August 2010
28 posts
oh me oh life.
reading the great divorce and wondering why things have to be so complicated and jumbled and why my mind can’t keep anything straight and my body won’t listen to me. i just want everything to be simple again, life is making me dizzy, and with every new thing that is added and piled into the boxes that are consuming my room, i feel my identity, my familiarity, and my anchor in this world, this ocean of troubling waters, tear loose. it’s coming up from the ground, my roots are being torn and broken like the great tree that crashed near our campsite and woke us up at 4 in the morning, and there’s nothing i can do about it, there’s not even anyone to hear me fall. no one that really cares about my desperate mad rush for safety. because there is no safety. after this it’s just me vs the world. i wonder who’s gonna win.
“We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision. Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good. I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road. A sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot ‘develop’ into good. Time does not heal it.”
— C.S. Lewis
so out of my element.
and i haven’t even moved yet.
“You will never meet anyone who has done something great who waited for permission to do something great.”
—I Wrote This For You
